I've thought sometimes, what would people say of me if I died today? The things that I have accomplished in my life are things that I would never have dreamed for myself to have accomplished.
Would they say, she has traveled to different places, Australia, Ireland, Germany and Austria. She loved to travel!
Is it enough to say that, to reduce those experiences down to a statement so simple. What did it mean to me that I have traveled? The answer is that it means more to me than I can express, I feel so lucky to have traveled so far and seen for myself the differences and similarities between people. Yet, these trips came about because of other desires. To meet a man in Australia who engaged my mind in deep conversation, to see one of my favorite cousins get married in Ireland and to seek out my cousin (her sister) who married a German man and lives in Frankfurt. All of these destinations were unexpected to me, I wish that I could have spent more time in realizing the grandeur and significance of the places I visited but each trip was short so all done in a whirlwind and only later after the trip was complete did I look back and think about the places themselves as much as my goal of connection with friends and family.
Perhaps those who know me might say that I was beautiful. They will look with their eyes on the person they know.
Could they ever know the way my own eyes saw myself? The visions of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be? My insecurities and those things that I liked about myself?
They might praise my scholarship, I pushed on through school even though it all looked daunting. I am proud of putting in the hours to get where I am but in some cases regret the time that I wished I had to do other things, to be another person.
Would they describe me as kind? A good mother? Wise? Probably.
I feel as though there is more to me than can ever be reduced to words, there is more that I would have my children learn if I could. I wish I could pass on all that I know and have learned but I think that our lives, our experience and knowledge is not something easily transferable. We wear out our patterns of living as we go along and these patterns cannot so easily be picked up by the younger generation. We can no sooner step into their shoes as they in ours. Though I do look at my children sometimes and think of how much I wish I could just make things easier for them. A wise gardener knows that sometimes the strongest plants face the most adversity.