Monday, December 8, 2008

Getting sick of living around students...


I know Sonja can relate to this, I am just sick of being around students all of the time. We live in a duplex right smack in the middle of a student housing complex. Actually there are three, wait four housing complexes nearby. So I am baraged by students all day long, and they park in front of my house at night. It's not like students are bad people, it's just that I am not in that phase of life and am instead a semi-insecure housewife with four kids. So to see girls prancing past my house dressed to the nine's all day is sightly irritating. Why? I am just not in that phase of life. I don't have money to spend on myself, none at all. So I can't afford to buy new clothes and get my hair done everyweek (slightly exagurated) and to go to the gym (yes I like to run outside, but right now it's cold). I told my husband about all of this and he thinks I am being rediculous, in Tonga wives get fat when they get married, well I don't like that idea. I know all of this doesn't matter, not really, I have a lot of life knowledge that they don't. But it's more than that, if I lived in a different area I would be around peers, and we would have things in common, right now I feel isolated and akward. Plus I found another reason to hate the programming on TV right now, I turned on channel 2 the other day and what did I see. Flawless 5'7" tall girls prancing around in rediculous "outfits" (more like colorful metal contraptions) up and down the runway. Who can live up to that? What an insulting portrayal of womanhood!! I have moles on my skin, I have fat and scars and hair on my arms (although it is hard to tell unless you look close). My hair is continually evading the "perfect" hairstyle, at times it is flat and lifeless and two toned (depending upon if I decided to try coloring it or not, that's not gonna happen for at least another year or two for the last dye job to grow out. I hate trying to rescue my hair color). These girls with their perfectly semetrical faces and finely toned bodies and flawless skin and hair are they real? Do they even exist in real life? NO they are made up, from money and laser surgery and lipo and plastic. They have teams of hairstylists and teams of trainers for their bodies, their postures etc. Did they even play as children? Where are their scars? But how do these pretend idealistic women get to me? I rationally look at them and know everything that must have gone into that look, but I cannot see it at the moment and it looks like they are these mocking Venuses who I can never be. I knew someone, a guy friend who had that ideal in his mind when he was dating. He even had someone close but complained that she was 3" too short, that she had hair on her arms (like I do), that was fascinated by how skinny she was at the moment. She told me that she didn't feel good and that she was worried about if she gained any weight. They had a good relationship otherwise, but she couldn't keep it up and called it off. Too bad, they would have been great together and the other guy just wasn't as good a fit as the first, but he didn't complain about her so that's what made it work. Too bad that kind of a narrow focus ruined what could have been a good relationship and life.

Anyway, that's my rant and insecurities for the day.

~Strawberry Girl

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