Thursday, December 11, 2008

Must be Indian Blood

In our family and probably a lot of American families we have a family myth (because we haven't found her yet) of having an Indian great grandmother. My mom's dad and brothers are very dark (hair but not so much their skin) as well as my older brother and younger brother (who tans very dark). I have brown eyes paired with blonde hair so the debate about Indian blood remains a tantalizing mystery.

Whether or not it is true, I was kind of a wild child growing up (not that it has anything to do with Indian blood, that's just how we were). I was very anamalistic and loved to be out in nature. I remember playing "Indian" with my cousins, we got on skirts and went out to the grass and chanted what we thought to be "Indian" words (whatever those were). My brother and I were known "squirllers" we would get my mom's necklaces and hide them around (I feel sorry for her now). We found beads and buried our "treasure" next to the house (we dug them up for many years afterwards). My brother was a combination of Dennis the Menace and Tom Sawyer. I was a closet Tom boy (since I also liked to dress up as well). I have so many scars from our misadventures, that I don't even know where they all came from. Maybe that is why I have so many darn moles and freckles all over (because I was out in the sun all of the time). I wish I could recapture half of the creativity that I had back then. Maybe it's circumstances but I don't do as many things with my kids as I would like. I think my husband stifles creativity sometimes because he is not spontanious at all. I like to plan but I am also a "feel it out" type of person and do things based on what feels like it would be fun that day. Right now though I don't feel like doing anything, the pregancy that was supposed to be happening has turned into a miscarriage. I kind of knew that something was wrong since my stomach wasn't getting any bigger, plus I had these terrible waking moments a few weeks ago that I have had before and I knew something was wrong. I don't know what it is, this will be my 11th miscarriage and I thought I had figured it out because Celiac's have recurrent miscarriages and a gluten free diet should have taken care of it. I don't even know if I feel sad right now, I just feel dog gone tired, ok I feel sad. I guess I need to get back to basics on life. God has been the guiding influence in my life ever since I was a little girl, more so when my life started to get really complicated from having a baby at 16. Man I think of my 16 year old sister and I know she would have problems... Well anyway, I can do something constructive now, since i've got some mail to work on (I do the accounting for my husbands business). Talk to ya all later.

~Strawberry Girl

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