Monday, May 25, 2009

Reflecting Again

This has been an interesting sort of day. One of my favorite things to do (when I am not distracted by pressing matters) is to clean and reorganize things. That's what I have been doing today and it's been glorious.

One of the things that I have been thinking about for the past couple of days is what is the essence of a person. Why are some people so naturally confident while others struggle to decide which socks to wear for the day?

The thing that I have noticed in myself is that I go through these periods where I will feel completely myself, like right now I am more or less thinking straight about stuff.

At other times though I get insecure, sad and depressed, even down to the way that I feel when I put on my clothing and walk down the street.

The things that I think contribute to this is, well I will name the big one first, hormones. I can chart almost exactly when I am going to lose it, start being needy, clingy, doubtful, fretful... not every month, sometimes it doesn't happen, but most of the time it is like clock work. (The only benefit is that I sometimes write a bunch of great stuff at this time). ;D

The things that make it worse are stress, problems that I can't solve, the weather, other peoples insecurities especially anger and of course eating poorly as well.

Sometimes I think also that not having a routine messes me up as well, because I drift about the day doing whatever it seems apparent to do and I forget to do things like take meat out of the freezer to un-thaw for the next day and I forget appointments.

For the life of me though I don't know how I am going to develop a routine because I have never operated that way! It's terrible, I don't cook dinner regularly, I don't get the kids to bed at a set time, I don't do laundry on some kind of schedule (though it doesn't pile up that bad because I have bins to sort out everyone's clothes).

Actually, these kinds of things need to be done better I think. It has been a symptom of going to school as a young mother and the fact that my husband often comes home already having ate somewhere and I get tired of the effort going to waste. As for the bed time bit, my older kids actually get themselves to bed around 10 pm and Roxie has been my night owl hang out partner. Not exactly the best situation I know... then she sleeps in, then she takes a late nap, then shes not tired earlier... bad pattern.

A lot of this all ties into how much you can concentrate on the things in your life, if you feel overwhelmed then one thing tends to spill into another.

One thing that I have rediscovered to help me is the herbal tea Roobios, it is a calming tea, I just bought some and I love it all over again!!

Another thing that I have personally been feeling empty over is visiting with my cousins. I want to go hang out with them, they understand me and always make me laugh. However they are busy (still single out doing single things), I am busy being a mom. They don't think of inviting me to things, I think I just need to call, call, call until they remember I exist again. :D

Plus I have neglected my spirituality a bit, I need to focus on it some more and I haven't been in the mood for reading either so I am hungry for some good words to read.

Ah, I guess I have just been reflecting away today. I hope your all doing well.


(Oh, I had a couple of experiences today that made me really appreciate what I've got, even feel a bit silly over complaining last week. Perhaps I will write about them later.) :D

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Sounds like you're in a nice spot Annie....nice to hear :)