Sunday, January 10, 2010

Abide with Me

Wouldn't it be nice,

to be in a place that was safe from the world,

safe from judgment,

safe from the fray of trying to live.

To just sit and listen to the strains of heavenly chords

in a nice warm chair, wrapped up in love

and to finally be able to talk, freely, calmly

to someone who cared enough to just listen, again, without judgment

someone who loves you so much,

someone who believes in you

and knows that you can do something great

someone without an agenda of their own,

all they want is for you to heal

and become stronger

They would never ask you to compromise in any respect

they love you too much

and understand that what is best is what is right

They hold sacred life, and love

and you can just rest

That is how I felt when listening to "Abide with Me" by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, that I was loved and cherished... I wanted to stay there in that chair, it is so hard to face the world, to be kind and loving without being compromised. To be taken seriously, and respected without having to resort to meanness. Firmness without anger, guidance without hatred, love without lust. Can I just curl up in that chair and stay?

Saturday, January 9, 2010


To a certain degree we all struggle with the perception and reality of aloneness. It is a perception because often, though we feel alone, we are surrounded by people. It is a reality because unfortunately we live and breath and die with the constant companion of self and there is no other that can dwell there unless we open and let others in to whatever degree that is possible.

In fact that is the dilemma that we face when trying to open ourselves up to the influence of spirit. The inner voice is the strongest voice, and even then the inner voice can be silenced  by distractions, nonsense and idiocy. The challenge is to embrace the enlightening influence of the spirit, incorporating it into our awareness and balancing that with the immediacy of the corporal world in which we live.

I think my inner voice has been silenced in many way's at times by certain desires to fit in to the general mold, not surprisingly this general tendency leads me to silence as in the world of generality I really have no voice as I am generally and naturally separate and distinct from others, though I have the same underlying desires of being understood and loved for who I am.

Ironically I find not only silence but a retreating into a shell of defense when I allow myself to be categorized as a certain stereotypical person, which I suppose is unavoidable in some respects.

The irony really is that I betray myself in order to fit into the mold and then find that I am uncomfortable there.

So this blog then has been an effort to blend in, as unnecessary as that may be, and instead of writing lengthy discourses on my thoughts (as I tended to do in the beginning) I have limited it to a few pithy antidotes about my life and whatever amusing or enlightening bit of media that I came across... so much dis-ingenuity that I have often thought about closing this blog from the sheer burden of having to come up with more of the same to post.

Thus, I vow to ramble away if the need strikes me, for then truly this blog will be a reflection of myself.