Friday, May 25, 2012

Thoughts on My Best Efforts

I've observed that when people come under stress that they will often look for others to blame. I believe it is a self ego defense mechanism. Placing blame however deflects from the root cause of the stress, which to me is the fact that we live in a state of uncertainty. A lot of that uncertainty stems from the choices that other people make, willingly or ignorantly.

A part of my character is a tendency to want to see the whole before focusing on the minute details, I love "Where's Waldo" books for that reason. With each new scenario open before you is a large colorful cacophony of chaos. Waldo can be placed anywhere among the chaos, hiding among the pyramids of Egypt, or on a busy street, waiting to be found. For me the satisfaction of the game is being able to tame the chaos, section it off in my mind, focus on the details (glasses, hat and shirt) and the thrill of finally finding Waldo.

I want to see the whole. If someone tells me to find Waldo in 5 minutes I panic, the fun becomes stress. That is basically the situation at work.

I know that I will be able to make things neat, understand what needs to be done to improve things, get the work done. Other people have set expectations however that we should have these company hierarchies done, NOW. I chafe at that attitude. Yet I realize that it is the corporate attitude. They want to be able to set up something (or have it set up) to where they can press a button and it will run through at a set speed until it's finished, measurable, reliable, accurate. At the end of the day, I am putting in my best.

Putting in my best, for who?

At some point I want my best to be directed to my good. My good, my goals, my dreams.

More thoughts on this later... it's getting late.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Weird Stuff

WOW things have been weird for me lately or have they been the same? More of the same I guess.

Sam has been in Hawaii for the past 2 Months. He visited this weekend, the same weekend my Mom planned a family trip to Lagoon.

Since he was only going to be here for the weekend (and thus would miss out on having time with the kids) I suggested he join us.

Everything went alright, he took charge of keeping Sione entertained. I helped my parents with the little girls (my daughter and my brothers daughters, all around the same age).

The next day, he decided to bring the kids up to Bridal Vale Falls to ride their bikes. After trying to figure out the new bike rack that I bought for my Honda (which doesn't fit the Yukon) and then searching for bike racks on Craig's List to fit the Yukon (because I refused to let him try forcing my rack to the Yukon) I finally convinced him to use the trailer that I bought for $300 dollars that was already sitting out side. I came along because I needed to get out of the house and on the way up he yelled at Sione for crying and told him "only fagots cry like that." I told Sam to apologize because that was uncalled for.

Later on I asked him to help me cut up some beef bones to make some good stock from. I was also helping him with his bankruptcy paperwork. My fiance called me and when I hung up with him Sam told me that he didn't think I was still talking to Ajey. He then asked me if things were going to work out. I was a bit taken aback but not too surprised that he was asking me these questions. 1 because Ajey isn't here yet and 2 because Sam is always trying to push the limits with me. He then told me that his friends keep telling him that he needs to move on and that he doesn't think the kids would be happy because he wouldn't be able to be the same with them anymore. That he wouldn't send money for their needs like he does now and wouldn't be able to spend time with them. More or less in those words.

Then he showed me a picture of some girl who wants to marry him. She's a teacher and has a son and apparently Sam's exactly what she's been looking for. I rolled my eyes at this.

On the way to pick up the kids from my moms house he brought the topic up again, told me that he regrets all the stupid stuff that he did, starting from our honeymoon. He was talking about the financial needs of the kids, how Koli is going on a mission in a few years and then Angie. He brought up that he doesn't want to get married because he doesn't want another financial burden. I asked him if the girl who wanted to marry him knew about the things that he's done. He said "No, but she can check the internet. I told her there's stuff in my past, but she said she doesn't care about the past."


Girls are so stupid, when guys say there is stuff in my past a lot of times it's really, really bad stuff.

I just got out of the car and went in the house (my Dad had brought the kids home so we had turned around and gone home during this discussion).

The next day I dropped Sam off at the airport. On the way up there he had this backwards conversation with a friend of his cousin. "You're my sister, yeah. Hone (his cousin) is my sister so now you're my sister because your her friend and friends don't date their brothers."

Another chance to point out that he has girls who want to date him.

Well I'm thrilled for him right? Actually more scared that he's going to marry some other girl and will ruin her life. Plus somehow, somehow his mess could come in to my life and effect it.

Lesson learned for me (again) the less I talk to Sam the better.

Second weird thing, long distance relationships. Enough said.

Well, I'm done at work. Just wanted to blog a bit.


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Scarlet Pimpernel

I've only heard bits and pieces about the Scarlet Pimpernel, my friend Sorina says it's her favorite play. Here are a coupld of the songs she mentioned to me along with a Wiki link about the work.


Where's the Girl

Falcon in the Dive

Saturday, May 5, 2012

From Les Mes!

Learn this: joy is not only joyous; it is great.

But be in love gayly then, what the deuce! Marry, when you marry, with fever and giddiness, and tumult, and the uproar of happiness! Be grave in church, well and good.

But, as soon as the mass is finished, sarpejou! you must make a dream whirl around the bride. A marriage should be royal and chimerical; it should promenade its ceremony from the cathedral of Rheims to the pagoda of Chanteloup.

I have a horror of a paltry wedding. Ventregoulette! be in Olympus for that one day, at least. Be one of the gods.

My friends, every recently made bridegroom ought to be Prince Aldobrandini. Profit by that unique minute in life to soar away to the empyrean with the swans and the eagles, even if you do have to fall back on the morrow into the bourgeoisie of the frogs.

Don't economize on the nuptials, do not prune them of their splendors; don't scrimp on the day when you beam. The wedding is not the housekeeping. Oh! If I were to carry out my fancy, it would be gallant; violins would be heard under the trees.

Here is my programme: sky−blue and silver. I would mingle with the festival the rural divinities; I would convoke the Dryads and the Nereids. The nuptials of Amphitrite, a rosy cloud, nymphs with well dressed locks and entirely naked, an Academician offering quatrains to the goddess, a chariot drawn by marine monsters.

"Triton trottait devant, et tirait de sa conque Des sons si ravissants qu'il ravissait quiconque!"[65]
−−there's a festive programme, there's a good one, or else I know nothing of such matters, deuce take it!"

"Triton trotted on before, and drew from his conch−shell sounds so ravishing that he delighted

The night of the 16th to the 17th of February, 1833, was a blessed night. Above its shadows heaven stood open. It was the wedding night of Marius and Cosette.
The day had been adorable.
It had not been the grand festival dreamed by the grandfather, a fairy spectacle, with a confusion of cherubim and Cupids over the heads of the bridal pair, a marriage worthy to form the subject of a painting to be placed over a door; but it had been sweet and smiling.

Yesterdays Gone

Today's 3.5 hour day (the remaining amount needed for 40 hours) has turned into a full day, from 11:00 AM to almost 11:00 PM!!

Sometimes I really dislike being the one in charge...

My position here at Adobe is a bit tentative... supposedly it could become permanent, I could soon be leading a team of 3 at the Orem office and off to train a team of x number temps in India. OR I could be leading a larger team in Orem and then a team in India... It all depends upon the terms that my manager is able to get from her boss.

The issues for me are slightly more complicated. The system we started out using has proven to be a big hindrance in some ways, though useful in some ways...

My dilemmas, well... I feel like I need to be the one to make this all work. I keep trying and trying to get this process smoothed out and set right but it seems that dilemmas keep creeping in. Today I discovered that if we don't review everything that we've loaded into the system, we could potentially have multiple parents in our files that we don't know about (multiple parents for 1 customer record). What that means is more time sorting through 1 company; we have hundreds of companies to get through!

I really want to write up scenarios behind all of the issues we are facing as a team so that I can explain them to the broader team but I am finding that my time is being eaten away by trying to fix the issues that are cropping up within my own files. The broader IT team in general has no idea what our process is now which needs to be amended before they will be able to understand how to help us.

One thing that is a big hindrance to me is my communication skills. At some points of time I am quite apt at communication, at others (around certain times of the month) I am TERRIBLE I just can't concentrate when a sea of raging hormones starts dancing around in my body, it is so frustrating!

It helps when my friend Robert is on the ball; he's a fairly good communicator, my IT contact that has helped me to create the current process our team is using. He created macros to use wild cards to search for the data we need to evaluate. Robert can talk a lot, and he interrupts me at times during meetings, but I forgive him because he usually interrupts with points that I am missing. He's been in the corporate world longer than I have and understands the business better. I am sometimes narrow minded as to why the issues we are facing should matter to the larger business community. My point is that these problems irritate me and the team and then that they hinder us from accomplishing our goals. He usually stays focused on the big picture of accomplishing this extremely important goal of hierarchy creation (at least that's the whole point of many peoples jobs here). I'm starting to get it now, but I wish I didn't have to go through this painful adaptation process where I stumble around and look quite foolish trying to explain things.

Robert is the most professional guy that I've ever worked with, straightforward, very respectful, very encouraging. He tells me that I'm a superstar and thanks everyone very sincerely when we are in meetings for their participation and for the good job we all do. Such good manners, I really like him.

Other members of the team are my good friends. They contribute quite a bit to our goals, I really appreciate them... but then it seems that I'm the one that identifies issues that need fixed, and it's hard for me to stay on top of team training when I'm working on everything else.

In any case, this has been the perfect job for me. I might sound like I'm complaining but I'm not, I LOVE developing processes, making things work, smoothing things out.


I will feel relived if/when my job becomes permanent. I will get health insurance, paid vacation time, paid holidays! YAY!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Lovely Day :)

Several lovely things happened today. I'm listening to some delightfully done audio books while working through some files and participated in a call with the sales team which highlighted some of the benefits of the process I've helped to develop.

"The Hobbit!" I love the way the reader of the book modified his speach to match who was talking, it made it very enjoyable to listen to.

Now "The Lord of The Rings" it's so delightfully done, here is a link to the You Tube series that I've been listening to