Friday, May 25, 2012

Thoughts on My Best Efforts

I've observed that when people come under stress that they will often look for others to blame. I believe it is a self ego defense mechanism. Placing blame however deflects from the root cause of the stress, which to me is the fact that we live in a state of uncertainty. A lot of that uncertainty stems from the choices that other people make, willingly or ignorantly.

A part of my character is a tendency to want to see the whole before focusing on the minute details, I love "Where's Waldo" books for that reason. With each new scenario open before you is a large colorful cacophony of chaos. Waldo can be placed anywhere among the chaos, hiding among the pyramids of Egypt, or on a busy street, waiting to be found. For me the satisfaction of the game is being able to tame the chaos, section it off in my mind, focus on the details (glasses, hat and shirt) and the thrill of finally finding Waldo.

I want to see the whole. If someone tells me to find Waldo in 5 minutes I panic, the fun becomes stress. That is basically the situation at work.

I know that I will be able to make things neat, understand what needs to be done to improve things, get the work done. Other people have set expectations however that we should have these company hierarchies done, NOW. I chafe at that attitude. Yet I realize that it is the corporate attitude. They want to be able to set up something (or have it set up) to where they can press a button and it will run through at a set speed until it's finished, measurable, reliable, accurate. At the end of the day, I am putting in my best.

Putting in my best, for who?

At some point I want my best to be directed to my good. My good, my goals, my dreams.

More thoughts on this later... it's getting late.

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