Monday, December 31, 2012

Choosing to join the Order Management Team

I am feeling a great deal of grief that I haven't let myself feel over what happened in May-July of this year (2012).

I had been a "Data Steward" I loved the challenge, though I was wearing myself out in the emotional investment I had in the position, and I had been offered a tentative permanent position as the team lead. This would include a trip to India to train a new team. Then I heard nothing more about it.

In the mean-time a guy in the office, a manager, stopped by my desk and talked to me about another position that was opening, in accounting, "Order Management." I felt that it would be foolish to not interview for the job so I did and was offered the position. I accepted.

Really I wanted to have heard from my current manager about how much I was going to be paid, the benefits, etc...

The whole thing sickened me. I felt cut off from what I truly loved, developing processes. I LOST the chance to go to India. To walk in my fiances ancestral lands, to meet his parents and sister. I lost the chance to reconnect with him, to feel close to him again.

I've not been as invested in my position as an Order Management Rep for these reasons. I've not been my usual self. I need to let go of the pain and look for possibilities again, this position is not what I love doing, I can do it, but I don't exactly love it. BUT I need to put more heart into it, and into developing talents that I truly love, AND look for the opportunities, they are out there... but hard to grasp if being done from inside a shell.

I can't do anything about the chance that I lost to go see my sweetheart in India. Visiting India looks like a dream at this point.

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