Sunday, March 3, 2013

New Relationships

I like this

Good friends that I have movie nights with. A job I enjoy. Kids who brighten up my day with the amusing things they do.

This time in my life is nice

My fears at this time revolve around what will happen with my next relationship. Will something in my past come back and haunt me? Will I be able to be loved for my genuine self? Do I accept and love my genuine self?

A new relationship means letting go of the frustrations of my past. Opening myself up to new ideas/possibilities. It means reevaluating what I thought was the most important thing to me, in some ways circling around to what I most valued in the past but gave up when holding on meant causing strife between me and my significant other.

Letting go is difficult. Especially since I am a compassionate person and hate when those I love are sad and in pain.

Holding on

I wish I could heal all the suffering and pain

All the loneliness

But I can't, it only frustrates and hurts me when I try

Because holding on means staying in a mode of indecision, especially where the decision to stay or go has already been made and I can't change the reasons for making the decision.

I fear, deception. Falling so deeply in love with someone only to find out that you're not really as important as you hoped you were to them. Something else was. You can't fight against that. Especially addictions and/or pornography.

It's hard to progress towards a beautiful relationship, while holding on to fears... so hopefully I can let go enough to be genuine and happy (and hopefully not get hurt).

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