It is so easy to lose sight of what you want out of life. For me I usually lose sight of that when I am under stress. I have this idealized image of what I want my life to be like and it seems like a pipe dream because I have yet to be able to realize this image.
Mostly it involves balance, being able to spend time in doing what I want to do, not just what I have to do.
I've been so tired for many months because of Edgar leaving me. He left right at the beginning of the busiest season for us at work. I performed horrendously at work during that time and almost lost my job, yet somehow I was able to pull out of the funk, find a condo to buy, pack up my home with tears running down my face and with the help of some angel friends and family get the minimum amount of painting done on the condo and all of my stuff moved over to the new place. It has been a constant stream of activity to get there. Painting, flooring, unpacking. Now I basically feel like resting but there is more to do.
At work they have pigeon holed me into a contract processing role and given others the bigger responsibilities. I have been resentful and hurt but I am trying to see the positives to this (I can focus on other things, balance my life). I have things I want to do with my time and spending it obsessively learning sql or other programs for work is not really what I want to do (though it would make me more competitive so I keep coming back to it as something that I should probably do).
What I want to do, get my house into order (wash and paint baseboards, put them back on, get dishwasher back in, get fridge hooked up to the water line, fix microwave, get new rug for living room, new furniture for living room, paint my bathroom, install dance floor downstairs, install soundproofing (to block sound from going out and coming in) and configure audio recording room with sound foam (to disperse reverb). Plus, put my desk together, and Angie's dresser.
THEN I can play around with my little audio recording projects. I've gotta talk my friend into helping me set up my computer...
So that's where I'm at. I want to have a nice steady relationship where I don't have to be too stressed out about. Hopefully. I definitely want to avoid wasting my time with guys that are looking for a hook-up.
Have a good one folks of the internet. :)