Friday, March 31, 2017
I talked about myself, "The Icebreaker" is an introduction to who you are, the title "Finding My Voice." Basically I discussed how it is difficult for me to give speeches and it has been difficult for everyone in my family to speak up because we all have struggled with some type of illness or another that affects the brain and how it organizes thoughts into speech. My older brother has Autism, a disorder where the brain ineffectively filters out the input from the world, sensory overload, and thus makes expression difficult. My younger brothers (my youngest brother in particular) struggle with ADHD and that too makes expression difficult. I and my younger sister have struggled with Major Depressive Disorder and health problems that have made it difficult to speak up.
This speech was very raw and I made myself very vulnerable by discussing these things, as well as the difficulties that I faced as a young mother striving to get through high school and college. I am pleasantly surprised that I was able to give this speech, in a coherent manner and without fainting. My next speech is set for a couple of weeks out, I'm going to put even more thought into writing this one and practicing.
Sunday, March 26, 2017
I've been dealing with an achy tooth since last Friday. I called for an appointment that afternoon and suffered it out over the weekend. I hate taking medication but I made an exception and took some pain killers reasoning that it was only for a short amount of time and that the dentist would fix it on Monday. Well, I went in on Monday and they took a picture, yippie! Then gave me antibiotics and sent me home with an appointment 2 weeks out. Boo. I don't like antibiotics, they mess up the gut microbiome and cause all sorts of problems. So I wanted to avoid taking them. Well I called the Dentist up and asked him if he would take me sooner, he had me schedule something for the next morning. Yay! I went in, had the procedure (which was extra painful for some reason) and I thought it was surly over, nope! My face stayed swollen all week and Friday I discovered an abscess in my gums. So I ran to the doctor to get a shot of antibiotics (less likely to mess up the gut) and I thought that would help. NOPE So now I'm dealing with this weird abscess thing on the side of my gums and it's getting more and more swollen and like it wants to pop. So I try to pop it myself and what do I end up with? No relief, more pain, and WORRY about what the hell is going on and what I should do about it.
At this point I just want someone to say, "I'm taking you to the doctors and getting this fixed." But I don't have that person, I actually didn't have that person with my ex-husband either but that's a different story. I need someone to be calm when I am scared and to take over when I am not thinking clearly. I don't need helpful (unhelpful) comments from the sidelines, I don't need sympathy, I need help.
I guess I wouldn't necessarily need a husband if I had someone else who could help me all the time but dang it I sure miss the convenience of having a sturdy friend/lover to rely on all the time. :/
This is the kind of situation that makes me very, very lonesome and probably less sensible than I should be... :/
Sunday, March 19, 2017
sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
"the victims should be treated with compassion"
synonyms: pity, sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, love, tenderness, mercy, leniency, tolerance, kindness, humanity, charity
"have you no compassion for a fellow human being?"
To me compassion is a root word. It's definition is encompassing of the many human feelings that make relationships work. Without compassion we have coldness, hardness, intolerance, no mercy, no kindness, no charity.
If we haven't experienced a lot of compassion then we might not understand or be compassionate towards others. We may be intolerant of others faults, especially when we are intolerant of our own faults.
I don't know if reiterating this very human concept is going to solve any of the mysteries of human relationships for me, I do know that as much as I want to be more compassionate towards others I often fall short.
It is the loving look in your eyes, your caress, the way you hold me and kiss me that tell me that you value who I am. My defenses drop when I am offered a taste of what I am missing in my life. I've learned that things are not always simple, that beauty is fleeting and that one moment will change into the next, ultimately we come back to ourselves and we must be compassionate for the quiet soul who resides there.